Today is the first day I am doing this, and it hit me kind of hard. At first, I identified my mood as positive — as focused — because I am super focused on achieving my goals today. However, as I sat with myself for a few minutes, I identified another mood.
Fear.
Underneath my excitement and focus toward being successful today is fear — a fear I’ve felt a thousand times, but have rarely identified directly. Fear that this is just another in the long list of failures waiting to happen. Fear that I will never be successful in achieving anything. It’s just sitting there, underneath the surface, like the taste of a penny — ready to pounce and cause emotional damage and instability at the first sign of resistance or setback in my goals.
This right here is my enemy.
I’ve known that emotional control and fear are what I need to conquer, but now it has a face. I see it — where it hides, lying in wait to pounce like a random craving when you’re quitting smoking. Sitting there, waiting to convince me to give up.
I can’t forget this, and I can’t lose sight of my enemy. I need to defeat him.
Back to my day, and back to building the identity I want.
