My mental weakness is by far my greatest barrier to success.
A lifetime of just surviving — going numb to everything around me — has created a shell of helplessness and hopelessness that I retreat into whenever I experience emotional highs or lows. It may have once been a mechanism for survival, but now it’s destroying me. I need to conquer my emotions.
Understanding the Problem
This weekend, I spent a lot of time trying to understand why and how our emotions control us — and whether we can rewire ourselves to stop letting them be so debilitating.
From everything I’ve read, it’s not only possible, but necessary, especially for people who want to achieve meaningful success. Emotional control isn’t about suppression; it’s about mastery.
I now understand that emotional overeating, self-medication, and numbing behaviors are deeply rooted in escapism — avoiding pain and reality. When I turn to food, it’s not because I’m hungry; it’s because I’m seeking a quick hit of dopamine to escape uncomfortable feelings. But that hit is fake, fleeting, and addictive.
Facing the Truth
Alongside implementing strict food controls (which I’ll cover in another post), I also need to face my situation head-on, in all its rawness.
When I look at my life, I see a pattern of sadness, failure, and letting down the people I love. But more importantly, I see that I have failed and abandoned myself the most.
That ends now.
Even if I don’t fully feel it yet, I am not worthless. If the people I love deserve compassion and support through their struggles, how can I not offer that same grace to myself?
Breaking Isolation and Reclaiming Strength
I don’t want to be confined to my home anymore.
I don’t want to be so unhealthy that I can’t walk or move or take care of myself.
I don’t want to be dependent on others — not now, and especially not at 41.
This isn’t the life I want.
What I want is strength. I want to build an identity I’m proud of — one that has accomplished meaningful things and lived a life with purpose. I’ve started working on a specific plan with goals to build that life, and at the top of the list is this:
Mastering my emotions.
Emotions Will No Longer Rule Me
From now on, my emotions will be acknowledged, but they will no longer control me.
They will be subject to the habits, rules, and principles I create for my life. I will feel them, but they won’t derail me from my purpose.
The first step is building emotional awareness. This weekend, I learned that emotional awareness is like a muscle — it grows with use. The more I can identify my emotions and their causes, the less power they’ll have over me.
I’ve started a daily journal where I record what I feel and why. This helps me catch emotions before they lead to subconscious, destructive actions. I may or may not make that journal public — but I know it will be key to understanding and healing myself.
Step Three: Rewiring the Habit Loop Around Food
I have an unhealthy, obsessive relationship with food.
Everything in my life has revolved around what I’m going to eat next.
I need to destroy that habit — and replace it with a new, structured, healing food routine. Part of this is discipline, which I’ll reinforce through a strict eating program based on the Overeaters Anonymous HOW food plan.
But the real work starts with identifying my triggers.
Here are mine:
- I eat when I’m upset, happy, anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, or bored.
- I eat when I finish a task or hit an emotional high or low.
None of these reasons have anything to do with nutrition or health. They are all emotional — and they need to change.
A technique that worked when I quit smoking was to drink water every time I had a craving. I’m bringing that back. I’ll also practice breathing exercises I learned this weekend. Every craving is a test — and if I sit with the emotion and resist for 10 minutes, it may pass.
Treating Food as an Addiction
Pizza is a big one — I’ve obsessed over it for days at a time.
That’s not hunger. That’s addiction.
So I’m implementing a strict plan that treats eating as an addiction and a sickness to be healed. It includes:
- Structured meal times
- Weighed portions
- Prohibited trigger foods (like flour and sugar)
- A clear mental and spiritual commitment to healing
Nothing else has worked. This plan meets me where I am — broken, but ready.
Building Self-Discipline
Defeating emotional weakness means choosing self-discipline in the face of strong emotions.
It means practicing it daily — stacking small wins and forgiving myself when I fail.
I need to build self-esteem. That starts with acknowledging every success, no matter how small.
Celebrate. Track. Document. Grow.
I’m shifting from being emotionally reactive to being goal-driven.
Creating My Future Identity
I’ve been reflecting on identity — who I want to be — and asking:
What would that person do daily?
That person:
- Follows a healthy diet
- Is not controlled by food or emotion
- Sets and achieves goals
- Builds momentum through action
- Becomes someone I am proud of
This is the identity I’m building through discipline, habits, and rituals.
The Role of Habits and Systems
I’ve started reading Atomic Habits, a book I bought years ago and never finished. One idea stands out:
“You don’t rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
Motivation is fleeting. Discipline is built through routines and structure.
Right now, I’m focused on creating a simple morning and evening routine — nothing complicated, just something I can do consistently. Something that keeps me connected to the transformation I’m trying to create.
My Daily Mission
Every day, I will:
- Identify my emotions
- Track my behaviors
- Celebrate three daily wins — no matter how small
This journey isn’t about perfection. It’s about building a bigger, more vivid life.
It’s about keeping promises to myself — and finally becoming the person I was meant to be.
